R & I

Like sand filtering between my fingers
Im losing the last of us that lingers
Im grasping at straws, hoping we arent lost
But im feeling the icicles of frost
Its like we're a creek pool thats stagnating
If he's the king & im the Queen then im abdicating

Like a barely flickering candle, we're fading
Im holding my emotions in check, masquerading
I dont know how to fix what is broken
I know ill eventually break if this is all left unspoken
The disconnect has started inside, despite trying
Like the last of my hope is slowly dying

I just wish he would see whats happening here
I wonder how he would feel if I would disappear
Just walk away and not look back
Because im done just handing out slack
Done waiting for him to decide if we're worth it
I just want to see if he cares when I quit

Its like whenever I get a jump start of hope
I start to slip on this neverending tightrope
Scared of slipping up, of not doing it right
he's watching and its a long fall from this height
sometimes I just want to give in, let myself fall
Just to see if he'll help me up or put up a wall
But maybe it'll be worth it in the long haul

Maybe giving up is merely the start of a new beginning
Where I wont be constantly scared im sinning
Giving up is calling to me, like a siren to a drowning sailor
Yet im scared that its true that im a failure

They say that we teach others how to treat us
If thats true, then ive walked myself under that bus
Because im dont even value me for me
I just give myself out for free  

Written the week before the break up - January